Testimony of Charles R. Solomon

Excerpt from "Ins and Out of Rejection"

The author has found it helpful in gaining rapport with an individual and with groups, to share his life or portions of it under the leading of the Holy Spirit. When a person realizes that Spirituotherapy was not learned in the academic setting but hammered out in a life and later crystallized into a counseling process, he may conclude that it could work for him as well. And it can! Accordingly, I would like to share a first-person testimony so that some may identify with this life and then go on to identify with the One who is the life – the Lord Jesus Christ.

Early Years

I was born in rural East Tennessee in 1930 at the very beginning of the Depression. My father was a sharecropper on the farm of his widowed mother. My mother was in ill health at the time of my birth and was not really well for the first two years of my life. I was the second of four children, having three sisters. My paternal grandmother was very protective of her children, and my father was affected by this characteristic. He was also the second child and felt it necessary to compete with his older brother for his father's acceptance and never quite made it. His feelings of inferiority and insecurity played a definite role in the development of these same attitudes within myself.

Until I was about six we lived in a farmhouse, which had no insulation, no underpinning, no heating stove (an ineffective fireplace supplied some heat), no electricity, no running water, and insufficient bedroom space for three children. We then moved to another community where the living conditions were about the same except for the fact that we were buying the house and a small acreage. My father began in carpentry and went on to be highly respected in heavy construction.

My parents were Christians who loved me very much and trained me to the best of their ability in the things of the Lord. I know they have prayed for me all during the years. My mother improved in health but worked much too hard due to the lack of modern conveniences.

I did very well in school but was totally crushed if I had to spend any amount of time in learning such things as multiplication tables; I felt I should know them immediately. My first memory of feeling inferior in schoolwork was upon my promotion to sixth grade; this meant going upstairs and I felt it would be too difficult for me. However, I reasoned that I could accomplish nothing by repeating the fifth grade and so I pushed myself to do something which I felt I couldn't do. This was to become a pattern of life.

The junior high years were rather uneventful. I was of slight build, which added to my inferiority feelings, especially in confrontation situations or in body contact sports. As I went into high school (ninth grade) at the age of thirteen, my slight stature continued to be a sore point. Also, I didn't like my facial features; in short, I didn't like me! I felt everyone in my class knew more than I did and yet I expected to receive better marks than they, and I usually did. I could never excel at sports and my high marks were a source of rejection rather than acceptance on the part of my peers. It never occurred to me that any of my teachers might be interested in me as a person. I only saw them as people who could be obstacles if I let them know too much about myself. I would never dare let down the front and reveal my inner fears to them. There were some happy ties during high school, but I was greatly relieved when I was able to get beyond it and attempt to start a new life.

To go back and pick up my spiritual history, I had attended several "revival" meetings in which I saw the need for a Savior. On about three occasions, I had "gone forward" and several persons would kneel around me and talk to the Lord but none had the good sense to talk with me. Therefore, I went away each time without coming to know the Lord Jesus Christ. At about age seventeen, I determined one night to pray in my bed until I knew that the Lord had saved me. There was no emotional experience but the quiet calm peace that I was His became an established fact. However, having no one to lead me to Christ, I also had no one to lead me in Christ.

Shortly afterward, I was faced with the decision about college. The "moving upstairs" syndrome again plagued me. I felt I was too stupid to train for a profession such as law or the ministry since stage fright made it impossible for me to speak publicly. Even so, the thought of the ministry did go through my mind; but I promptly dismissed it as ridiculous. At about age seven my minister, Mr. Willis Johnson, placed his hand on my head on leaving the church one day and told my parents that I would make a good minister. That meant little at the time, but I never forgot it.

I felt that I had to try college and since I had fairly high marks in mathematics I decided to study engineering. I enrolled in East Tennessee State University in a pre-engineering course. I studied very hard because I was afraid I would flunk out and, true to form, came up with straight A's the first quarter. I concluded the work was not very difficult if I could do it; so the straight A's did little to bolster my self-confidence.

Beginning college was a good experience in some ways. The professors called me by my first name whereas I had grown up using my second. In a sense I felt I was a new person, but at the same time I realized I was the same inferior-feeling person despite the new name. However, I was able to start over without my new friends knowing all of my faults. There were many happy times as I learned to live away from home and involved myself in new activities. I visited church occasionally but had no fellowship and no direct challenge toward spiritual growth during these four years of college. I met my wife, Sue, during the second year and we dated regularly through my junior year. By this time I had decided that I had neither the intelligence nor the money to switch to an engineering school. Accordingly, I majored in mathematics and received a teaching certificate.

I had informed my fiancé about my inferiority feelings, but she refused to believe me because of the front I presented. Despite the feelings of inferiority and insecurity, we proceeded to get married between my junior and senior years with neither of us employed. A month later she got a teaching job and I commuted 100 miles daily to complete my senior year. As graduation approached I was faced with the possibility of military duty in Korea or securing employment in essential industry. I elected to apply to Glenn L. Martin Co. in Baltimore, Maryland and was hired by mail as an engineering draftsman. But I was neither an engineer nor a draftsman! I had had a couple of engineering drawing courses, so I proceeded to fight the "moving upstairs" syndrome again.

Although I felt I could not handle the work, two years and one son later, I had six men working for me. This was to begin a period of about five years during which I had the supervisory responsibility for up to twenty-five men. Some of the men were twice my age, and many had more engineering education and experience than I. I found myself supervising men who performed tasks I had never done. This, along with sin in my life, as well as increased family pressures, began to take their toll.

The day my first daughter was born, I was assigned the responsibility of supervising the installation design of the fuel system of a medium jet. As the job went on I began to have a voracious appetite and gained 25 pounds in six months. Anxiety increased to the point that I was put on tranquilizers and subsequently found I was feeding a duodenal ulcer. At about the time our second daughter was born, I was taking 400 mg of Thorazine per day while driving my car and continuing with my work. When I received the call that my wife was having our baby, I thought they said it was my mother. I started to place a long-distance call and checked myself saying, "That's impossible! My mother couldn't be having a baby." So I proceeded to go back to work. A little later the truth broke through, and I raced for the hospital to find my daughter was twenty minutes old.

My mental and emotional state drove me to try many things to find help. Since I was already a Christian and that didn't help, I looked elsewhere. Everything I did was misinterpreted by my wife as rejection of her and our children, which made matters worse rather than better. Although I knew she loved me, there would be times at work that I felt I would lose my mind in my longing just to hear her say, "I love you". The intensity of my anxiety and being out of touch with reality at times began to cause her problems as well.

By January 1957, I decided to submit totally my life to the Lord Jesus Christ as the only possible means of maintaining my sanity and, probably, my marriage. Again, in my bedroom I yielded my life to Him without reservation. Of course, no one (including my wife) knew this so I had no guidance as to how to proceed.

I decided to start studying the Bible so I got up early each morning and read in Genesis. There are better places to study for spiritual growth, but this was better than nothing. I became active in a liberal church and tried to serve the Lord. My mental and emotional adjustment improved to some extent but my wife saw my church involvement as another copout so it was less than satisfying. About two years later, after we had bought a small home, I learned that our company was interviewing for positions in Denver. I decided privately that an offer of $50 per month increase would be an indication that we should move to Denver. The offer was exactly $50, so I went home and announced we were moving! Within three weeks our house was sold (without a realtor), and we were on our way.

The Lord led us to a Bible-believing church where we are still members. I began to memorize Scripture using the Navigator system and did much compulsive work in the church. I still could not stand myself enough to be quiet at home. I taught Sunday school, went calling, became a deacon and did many other things, which caused me to neglect my family.

On March 27, 1964 (my youngest daughter's birthday), I attended a college-age retreat at the Navigators international headquarters in Colorado Springs. During a lecture by Mr. Lorne Sanny, the Holy Spirit seemed to impress some Scripture passages upon me from Isaiah 60. These were Isaiah 60:1: "Arise, shine; for thy light is come, and the glory of the Lord is risen upon thee"; Isaiah 60:15: "Whereas thou was forsaken and hated, so that no man went through thee, I will make thee an eternal excellency, a joy of many generations"; Isaiah 60:22: "A little one shall become a thousand, and a small one a strong nation: I the Lord will hasten it in his time".

During a time apart from the group I was studying the Word and came across Psalm 37:3-5: "Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in Him; and he shall bring it to pass." As I read this passage I broke into tears; the Holy Spirit witnessed that this was a direct promise to me – the first such promise in my life – at age thirty-four. I hadn't the slightest notion as to what the promise was to entail but I knew that God had promised to "bring it to pass", whatever it was. But then I began to wonder – "Who do you think you are that God could use you? If He were going to do so He would have started before now. Your life is half over; it's too late to get into something different." These and a myriad of other thoughts vied for my attention. I alternated between believing that God had spoken and being totally incredulous that such a thing could be.

Needless to say, I didn't share this with Sue since I thought she would feel, as I did most of the time, that this was just another of my many tangents. She could not accept the fact of my feelings of inferiority and insecurity even though we had now been married about fourteen years. Therefore, the more I hurt, the more she hurt but we bore our hurt in silence. There were attempts on both parts to reach across the chasm without success. We shared the same home and the children, some good and bad times; but in the innermost recesses of our heart, we walked alone.
ALONE TOGETHER

We walked alone together,

My precious wife and I,

Nor learned to share our burdens,

But only how to sigh.

Our hearts being knit in love

Yearned for sweet communion;

But it seemed that such a joy

Could not grace our union.

The burdens that we carried

Seemed oft too much to bear;

But no matter how we tried

We could not the trials share.

The burdens served God's purpose (Psalm 119:71)

To drive us to our knees;

As we fellowshipped with Christ, (Philippians 3:10)

He taught us by degrees. (Isaiah 28:9,10)

As His purpose for our lives (Romans 8:29)

Began to come to pass, (Psalm 37:5)

We saw that inner conflict (Philippians 1:29,30)

Had been our training class. (Hebrews 12:11)

The comfort that He gave us

Was ours to keep in store;

Those who, likewise, walk alone (Psalm 142:4)

Find comfort at our door. (2 Corinthians 1:3,4)

We praise our precious Savior;

In Him our life is found; (Philippians 1:21)

Thought we are ever failing,

In Him doth grace abound. (2 Corinthians 9:8)

The fears that came between us

Were like a mighty tower,

But Jesus made them tumble

By His transforming power. (Romans 12:2)

And now we walk together

In growing harmony;

Our burdens become lighter

When borne by me and thee. (Galatians 6:2)

As we share from heart to heart

Our love is fused with peace;

As the years slip swiftly by,

Our joy but knows increase.

Charles R. Solomon

Though at times I was relatively certain I had a promise from the Lord, depression and anxiety remained a way of life. My ulcer had been healed by the Lord in 1960 but other psychosomatic ailments continued to persist. As there was no tangible reason to believe that the Lord was to intervene in the affairs of my life, the financial responsibilities of my family loomed larger and larger. I began to worry about being laid off from my position and thought it would be better if we sold our home. This appeared logical to me at the time. We had one or two persons look at the house but we had no offers so the sign came down after a period of time.

As I read the Word and spent time in prayer, I searched for confirmation of God's promise. At times I would weep on the way home from work and silently weep in my pillow at night. I worried because I couldn't meet the needs of my wife and children; I worried because I couldn't meet my own needs. I knew that the anxiety, which racked my body, was taking its toll. I had no one who could understand the depth of the turmoil I endured, and most of the time I didn't believe God understood or cared.

In my agony of soul, I searched the Bible for additional light on what God wanted me to do, little realizing that He was first interested in what He wanted me to be. Nevertheless, He was faithful to give me something to hold on to while He continued His processing. It was destined to be nineteen more painful months before release from bondage was to come. The following are some of the words from the Lord, which I grasped for varying lengths of time as the tunnel became blacker and longer.

April '64

Isaiah 43:18,19: "Remember ye not the former things neither consider the things of old. Behold I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert."

Isaiah 46:11b: "…Yea, I have spoken it, I will also bring it to pass; I have purposed it, I will also do it."

Isaiah 50:7: "For the Lord God will help me; therefore shall I not be confounded; therefore have I set my face like a flint, and I know that I shall not be ashamed."

May '64

Habakkuk 2:3: "For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie; though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry."

Colossians 4:17: "Take heed to the ministry which thou has received in the Lord, that thou fulfill it."

June '64

Hebrews 4:9,10: "There remaineth therefore a rest to the people of God. For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased from his own works, as God did from his."

I Samuel 12:16: "Now therefore stand and see this great thing, which the Lord will do before your eyes."

September '64

Hebrews 12:3: "For consider him … lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds."

November '64

I Samuel 10:6: "And the Spirit of the Lord will come upon thee, and thou shalt prophecy with them, and shalt be turned into another man."

In November, 1964, my psychosomatic symptoms were diagnosed by a neurologist as multiple sclerosis but a spinal tap during hospitalization failed to support his diagnosis. I was privately disappointed that it was not cancer so I could get an honorable discharge from life. Many times prior to this I had envied senior citizens who had "made it through" and didn't have to fight it much longer.

November '64

Isaiah 40:26: (In the hospital) "Lift up your eyes on high, and behold who hath created these things, that bringeth out their host by number; he calleth them all by names by the greatness of his might, for that he is strong in power; not one faileth."

Isaiah 42:16: (After the hospital) "And I will bring the blind by a way that they know not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them and not forsake them."

March '65

Isaiah 54:4: "Fear not, for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame."

I desperately needed this last promise because my depression was deepening and, to make matters worse, I was elected chairman of the board of deacons in my church. At my place of employment, personnel continued to be laid off on a sporadic basis and my emotional instability did little to commend me for continued employment. If I were laid off in this condition, what could I possibly do? The Vietnam War was getting increased publicity and I could foresee my son (then 13) going off to be killed or maimed. During that summer I was sharing and praying with a friend whose daughter had attempted suicide, and I'm sure my mental and emotional state was little better than hers at the time. Yet I was hoping against hope that somehow things would improve. Instead, the tension became so great in my body that I began to have pain in the back of my head. I endured it as I had so much other psychosomatic pain until I was forced to see my physician. I told him it was either a physical or spiritual problem; he ruled out the physical, leaving me with a spiritual problem of gigantic proportions. I had sought every place I knew for help and found none so I got my prescription for anti-anxiety/depression pills and joined an elite crowd of copout artists who exist on tranquilizers. I took the first bottle and found that the pain was kept under control. Occasionally, I would forget to take a pill to work for my noontime dose and would be unable to turn my head by the end of the day. Being no better, I proceeded to refill the prescription. I thought it was ridiculous for a Christian to live on pills, but there was no other recourse known to me.

I had asked God to search my heart for any hidden sin or unyielded area of my life, all to no avail. About this time a friend loaned me a copy of Alan Redpath's book, Victorious Christian Living. It was similar in message to Watchman Nee's The Normal Christian Life, which my dear friend, Dr. Raymond Buker, had supplied me two or three years earlier. I had read Nee's book several times without the conscious thought that such a life could be a reality for me. However, I'm certain the Holy Spirit used it more in my life than I had realized. As I read Victorious Christian Living daily for a while, I was getting closer to October 25, 1965 when God was to reveal a Scripture to me which I had memorized some years earlier … Galatians 2:20.

"I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."
BEHOLD HIM! Isaiah 40:26

Life up your eyes on high

And gaze on the Father of Lights. (James 1:17)

Behold who hath created these things;

None has escaped His sight.

He bringeth out their host by number

That His glory might be shown;

He calleth them all by names

His purpose to make known.

The greatness of His might

To usward is displayed, (Ephesians 1:19,20)

For that He is strong in power;

In nothing we'll be dismayed.

He assures that not one faileth

As He conforms us to His Son; (Romans 8:29)

Ours is to yield to His working,

Resting in the victory He has won.

C. R. Solomon

JESUS: MY SAVIOR, MY LORD, MY LIFE

My Savior to Calv'ry went

Vict'ry o'er Satan to win.

With bonds of love He drew me,

His Blood cleanses all my sin.

He bids me yield Him my all (Romans 12:1)

That my mind He may renew. (Romans 12:2)

Transformed by His mighty pow'r,

That my life He may live through.

Since I am risen with Christ--(Colossians 3:1)

Affections on things above, (Colossians 3:2)

The Lord Jesus is my life; (Colossians 3:4)

My life's hid with Him in Love. (Colossians 3:3)

My Savior, my Lord, my Life;

Worthy of glory and praise.

So long as He gives me breath,

The Cross's banner I'll raise.

Revive us again, O Lord; (Habakkuk 3:2)

Come in the midst of the years.

Break us from the pride of self;

Make good use of all our tears.

Worthy the Lamb that was slain (Revelation 5:12,13)

Of honor, glory and pow'r;

Get blessing Yourself, O Lord;

Come, meet us this very hour.

Chorus

I am crucified with Christ

And yet He lives in me;

I'm crucified to the world

That Jesus the world may see.

Charles R. Solomon

October 25, 1965 dawned pretty much the same as any other day; things were no blacker than usual! I got up and forced myself to a job that had not been fulfilling in fourteen years and there was little likelihood that this day would be anything but more of the same. There was one redeeming aspect – I had a supervisor, Bill Dowe (now owner of Heritage House Publications) and many other wonderful people as associates and friends in my work. I had great supervisors during my nearly nineteen-year stay at Martin-Marietta Corporation and was never treated unfairly in all my time at the company. Without those challenging personal relationships the work itself could never have provided sufficient stimulation to have kept me going.

As the day wore on I found that I was not only depressed but the anxiety which had been channeled into physical manifestations was now surfacing. I felt as though I was shaking all over and that I would certainly lose my mind before the day had ended. But, dutifully, I put in the entire eight hours, and the next major effort was to drive the car home. I didn't see how I could possibly do it, but I finally made it with the firm hope that I could get to bed as quickly as possible. I had some bad news in store for me; it was PTA meeting night and there was no way I could get out of going and sitting through a miniature of my son's seventh grade classes! Somehow I struggled through it and made it back home without blowing my mind. I knew I was in no condition to go to bed so I waited until my wife and children were in bed and then read something in the Word and continued reading where I had left off the night before in Redpath's book. I don't know how long I read; but, eventually, I came across Galatians 2:20: "I am crucified with Christ; [literally: have been] nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I no live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me."

As I read this verse the reality of it was driven home by the Holy Spirit and I fell to my knees in the presence of God. In fact, it was so real that I even opened my eyes to see if He were visible. It was as though I was filled with the Spirit from head to foot; I literally tingled as the thrill of deliverance for which I had waited in unbelief was finally realized.

As I reveled in the joy of being freed from depression, anxiety, despair, loneliness, insecurity, feelings of inferiority and any other thing contrary to the peace that passes all understanding, my hand suddenly went to the back of my head. There was no pain! It was well past midnight when the thrill subsided sufficiently to go to bed. Then about 5 a.m. I awakened my wife to share with her what God had done, and we wept tears of joy together. It was destined to be three to five years later before she was to be able fully to appreciate the significance of my release from the self-life with all its shackles.
JOURNEY TO THE END OF SELF

When I came to Jesus

For the cleansing of my sin, (John 3:3)

My heart was set at peace

As the Savior came within. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Looking to His promise

Of a life of victory, (2 Corinthians 2:14)

My faith was sadly taxed

As I struggled to be free. (Romans 7:24,25)

The burdens that I bore

Were heavier day by day;

It seemed God didn't care (Psalm 142:4)

As I labored in the way.

I searched for other means

For relief from trials sore;

No comfort could I find,

And I yielded to Him more. (Romans 12:1)

My Lord had heard my cry (Psalm 142)

And began to guide my way; (Psalm 37:5)

Tho' comfort was not giv'n,

He refused to let me stray.

My strength was well nigh gone

And continued to decrease;

Until there was no more

And He gave to me His peace. (John 14:27)

My heart was filled with peace

That passeth understanding. (Philippians 4:6,7)

I knelt in heartfelt awe;

My soul was not demanding.

Tho' pain had been my lot, (Philippians 1:29,30)

In His suff'ring I was blest; (Philippians 3:10)

Crucified with Christ, (Galatians 2:20)

I have found in Him my rest. (Matthew 11:28,29)

Charles R. Solomon

As in previous dealings with the Lord and His with me, no one shared the perils of the victorious life, which are equally as devastating as the joys are edifying. I wanted to remain totally open to the Spirit's working in my life, but I was unaware that I was equally open to satanic attack or demonic harassment. Within a week my mind was flooded with impure thoughts; it was almost two years later that I was to discover Satan's part in this and be freed from it.

I read voraciously in the Word and in books on spiritual freedom. As I did so, I knew that I couldn't live in the aura of one experience so I endeavored to understand my position in Christ. I read between 50 and 100 books that first year and began to put into focus my eighteen years of Christian experience and service prior to understanding the operation of the cross in my life. My life has not been unproductive since I had been involved in soul winning, Bible studies, etc. However, I found that I had been working out my problems on other people. I had known all along that I still had my problems but was powerless to do anything about them.

I still had no inkling as to God's way or what He was bringing to pass. It gradually began to dawn on me that others who suffered from so-called "mental illness" were no different from what I had been except in degree. As I contemplated sharing the growth truths, it seemed logical that the best way would be in counseling. I had had considerable experience in soul winning and one to one relationships, so in the summer of 1967 I enrolled in the evening school at the University of Colorado in a beginning counseling course. My wife was open to my going to California that fall to take some intensive counseling training. While there, I heard of a pastor whom I knew that I must see immediately. While resting that evening prior to going to see him, the numerals 50:14 came into my mind. I was half asleep and dismissed it. During the mid-week Bible study I looked through my Bible and found Psalm 50:14: "Offer unto God thanksgiving; and pay thy vows unto the most High" and verse 15 adds: "And call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me." That night as I shared with the pastor, I was freed from demonic obsession in my thought life.

A short time later while still in California, I was reading Isaiah 58 when the Holy Spirit drew my attention to verses 10 and 11: "And if thou draw out thy soul to the hungry, and satisfy the afflicted soul; then shall thy light rise in obscurity, and thy darkness be as the noon day; and the Lord shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not."

No passage with which I am familiar could have been a more appropriate call to the ministry, which I now knew to be an indisputable fact.

A month or so later, back in Denver, my sleep was interrupted by satanic emissaries. Upon resisting in that area and having my sleep restored, I was praying by a chair one night and a vase came off a bookcase and fell near me. If this had happened a few months previously I would have fled out the front door and left my wife and children to fend for themselves. Next came a satanic oppression, which was worse than any depression I had ever known. I was unable to resist Satan so I requested prayer from others and the oppression lifted one night as I was reading Psalm 37. I discovered the "wicked" referred to in the psalm was Satan who had been "spreading himself like a green bay tree".

The next day God gave me my first poem, "God's Processing Tunnel". By June, 1968, I had completed all of my basic counseling courses and the company needed a volunteer counselor in a program to train hardcore unemployed persons – a government program.

This counseling was the basis for my master's thesis.

In January, 1969, my attention was called to Deuteronomy 8:2: "And thou shalt remember all the way which the Lord thy God led thee these forty years in the wilderness, to humble thee, and to prove thee, to know what was in thine heart, whether thou wouldest keep his commandments, or not."

Later in the year, this number forty was to have great significance in God's leading regarding my employment.

Grace Fellowship International was incorporated May 29, 1969 with the express purpose of establishing a Christian counseling ministry. Mr. John A. Stevens and Dr. Raymond B. Buker and myself constituted the original board of directors of the non-profit corporation, which was granted exempt status by Internal Revenue Service.

The Master of Personnel Service degree was awarded me by the University of Colorado in December 1969, and God made it clear to me, as will be later described in Chapter 8, that I was to leave the company in January, 1970, to begin the ministry.

Though there were no subsidizing individuals or groups, God supplied all needs as he had promised to do. Just before I left the company He had given me a promise in Exodus 23:25: "And ye shall serve the Lord your God, and he shall bless thy bread, and thy water; and I will take sickness away from the midst of thee." After more than six years of counseling I have yet to miss a counseling appointment or to reschedule one because of sickness.

From the uncertainties of the beginning until the present my wife has stood by my side helping with secretarial work, bookkeeping and telephone counseling with contrary health conditions most of the time.

The beginnings of a world-wide ministry are well in view and it is all to the glory of Him who can make something out of nothing. "But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound things which are mighty; and base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are: that no flesh should glory in his presence" (I Corinthians 1:27-29).

At this juncture I had three teenagers who had each been affected to one degree or another by my neurotic behavior in the family, and I suffered much guilt as I expected their lives to be ruined by their emotional and spiritual deprivation. Since this had all been a necessary part of my "boot camp", God gave me a promise about my children on March 24, 1968: "O thou afflicted, tossed with tempest, and not comforted, behold … all thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children" (Isaiah 54:11a, 13).

At this writing my two older children, Ronald and Catherine, are married, and the youngest, Susan, is in college.
GOD'S PROCESSING TUNNEL

EGYPT As we embark on the journey of life

And partake of its burdens and cares;

Ere long we loathe the turmoil and strife

And seek respite from its snares.

In vain we search for joy that endures

Among the pleasures and trinkets of Earth;

Only to find that which beckons and lures

Is empty and void of true worth.

On and on ‘til the restless heart cries

For the relentless ache to cease;

Oh. for Someone to wipe tears from our eyes (Revelation 7:17)

And flood our beings with peace. (John 16:33)

At length we see that He who died

Was acquainted with sorrow and grief; (Isaiah 53:3,4)

And we come, confessing our sin and pride; (Romans 10:9,10,13)

And, in coming, experience relief. (John 5:24, 8:32)

WILDERNESS

In this new-found Friend all grace resides

That abounds to our every need; (2 Corinthians 9:8)

The promise is to him who in Jesus abides, (John 15:5-7)

To him who from Self has been freed.

But the monster Self is a dauntless foe

That insists on ruling the life; (Romans 7:18,19)

So, instead of the peace we fain would know,

We encounter a new kind of strife.

As the battle rages and clouds are dark

And our way with heartaches is lined; (Romans 7:24)

We almost give up; we almost give out: when hark--

A promise: ". . . I will bring the blind. . ." (Isaiah 42:16)

Many are the doubts as He leads us along

By a path that we would not choose;

But, clinging to Him, we can't go wrong,

Since our life to save we must lose. (Luke 9:23,24)

As in a tunnel whose center is black

We yearn for light on our path;

In the wall of despair we search for a crack

That we might walk by sight--not faith. (2 Corinthians 5:7)

The Spirit's discipline, reaching far and wide,

Denies the comfort we keep demanding;

But, as we take our place in the Crucified, (Galatians 2:20)

We find peace past all understanding. (Philippians 4:7)

CANAAN

Now, as before, a new battle begins

For which we are ill-prepared;

As Satan his fiery darts expends (Ephesians 6:16)

To tempt us again to despair.

When he launches his savage attack (1 Peter 5:8,9)

To regain the ground he has lost,

We are tempted to quit and turn our back

On the warfare and its ultimate cost. (Ephesians 6:12)

In the battle fierce with strength bereft,

We realize that all is but loss,

And retrace our steps to the place we left (1 Corinthians 2:14)

As He delivers us alway to the cross. (2 Corinthians 4:11)

As our mortal flesh shows our union with Him,

Jesus' life will be made manifest;

And the things of this world will ever grow dim,

As we enter into rest. (Hebrews 4:3)

Though your way seems hopeless and full of fears,

God is handling you in love, dear friend;

No matter how dark your tunnel appears,

Take heart, there is light at the other end.